C is for...

Crush.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to have a crush on a boy *I'm truly a driven individual* Well, I did have a nice little crush in Madison... someone I knew wouldn't ever work out but who was cute and helped me forget about (and also get back at) 5 Months Later Boy. And who knows, perhaps it could have worked, if there was more time... but, he's back in Madison and I'm living in my little town where there is a serious lack of testosterone.

My current place of resident is occupied by lots and lots of young married couples with little kids. This is good for my career but bad for my personal life. I've become the queen of checking out the ring finger. I know this town can't be completely devoid of single men but they must be really good at hiding. Because of this, I've become the 7th grade version of myself i.e. "I have a crush on every boy!"(watch out there's sound!) Really, every single semi-attractive (okay, he doesn't even have to be attractive) who crosses my path automatically gets put in the crush file. This is very dangerous.... and rather depressing too.

So I was back in Madison over the weekend and was faced with the reality of my singleness. Madison is crawling with cute boys. And unfortunately I saw 5 Months Later Boy briefly so that was also a nice reminder of how truly single I am and also an redundant reminder of how big of a jerk he is/was. Later in the night, Caroline and I were drinking at her place and Katy, my old roommate, and our friend Kelly stopped by. We started talking about boys and the lack thereof in my life and Katy's potential new suitor. Then, I mentioned the pact that was informally made between Katy and I: if neither of us met anyone "special" by September, we would join match.com together. I really don't want to join, not because I'm against online dating but instead because I'm terrified of relationships and by extension of online dating. I told the girls this (or at least I think I did... who knows with the alcohol) and Caroline told me that I could create a profile for free, hide the profile and look around to see if anyone looked interesting.

And that is exactly what I did. I had about 32 pages of matches--some who seemed nice, some who had poor grammar (what's the point of punctuation anyway!?), some who seemed pretty damn snobby and full of themselves and some who were downright dreamy. None of the matches have spurred me to join and give this online dating thing a chance. But one particular match did make me cackle and laugh for a good half an hour. His name? LoveInTights. His tagline? My Love is Harder Than a Steel Chair.

And for the rest of the hilarious details, I'm going to just quote him... I don't think I could do him justice:

About Me and Who I'm Looking For
PRO-WRESTLER SEEKS LOVE OF HIS LIFE! Ladies, allow me to introduce myself... My name is *Name Omitted to Protect the Ridiculous*. Currently I'm living in Grafton, Wisconsin in an apartment with my unemployed roomate Doug (Doug says hi!). As of right now, I work during the day at Jordan & Johnson Co. in New Berlin making toliet (sic) paper, but my true passion is wrestling in front of crowds. Something about the battle of good vs. evil with all the sweat, grit and tights involved just gets me all pumped up! As for my type of date, I'm looking for a woman who knows what she wants in life. She has to have a good outlook on life, even when the chips are down, and can always lift anyone's spirits! I'm hoping I can meet somone who loves people and life just as much as me. Also, No need for women with drug problems, please (my last date stole all my painkillers and my roommates prescription pills). *Skip ahead to last sentence* So ladies, I'm dieing (sic) to hear from you! P.S. Dont call me at work though, my boss Mr. Jarvis will be super mad!

My religion:
I like religion. I think if people dont have it, then its their lost. But hey, thats their call. All I know is after a really hard day at the gym, or after a tough match, I like to open my religious book, and read religious things.

My education:
Its kinda funny. I had been accepted into University of Ohio, but I rejected and took up my true passion of wrestling. I graduated from "Killer Kowalski's School of Wrestling" in 2005 *It exists!*. Since then, I've been on a quest to conquer the wrestling world!

I've decided it's a bit imprudent to post his picture but I wish you could see him. He's wearing a white bandanna and shinny silver leggings. Oh and he's also sporting a soul patch. And he's flexing his "guns." Now, there are two options with this profile: either he is serious and I can continue laughing or he's trying to be funny and then I have to stop laughing and consider why a 24-year-old would waste time and money making such a dumb profile.

Needless to say, I did not join match.com and I don't know if I'll be joining in September. In the meantime, I'm going to concentrate on finding my crushes the old fashioned way--now, what the old fashioned way is, I'm not entirely sure.

B is for...

Branch, Will:
One of the best things about being a librarian is the librarian crush. No, I'm not talking about the crushes patrons have on librarians (those are generally creepy)--I'm talking about the crushes librarians have on authors, musicians, etc. Me personally, I have a children's librarian crush on Kevin Henkes (of course, who doesn't), Jack Prelutsky (this is also a childhood crush and stems back from the line "'Interception!' Daddy roars and once again the wrong team scores" in It's Thanksgiving!), Louis Sachar (I loooove the Wayside School books) and Norton Juster.

I now have a new librarian crush and his name is Will Branch, half of the musical duo Fox and Branch, who came to perform at our library today. Will is fun, he's funny, he's nice, he's easy going, he's great with kids, he's cute, he's tall, he has a great name (just say a few times. Will Branch. Nice, right?) and he plays the banjo. What's not to love? I liked their program so much that when I found out they were playing tonight at the library down the road, I was more than tempted to go to that show too. But then I think I would crossing into librarian stalker territory.

Bike Race:
Yesterday, I went to a bike race.... because I had to. I was trapped at the bike race. Because not only does my current place of residence love fests, they also love bike races... oh wait they call it the annual international cycling classic. And they love having them downtown, where I work and also where I get my haircut. This race is a circuit race (I think that's what it's called--although I have no clue what I'm talking about) so they have to block off a big mile long square in the downtown area. After I got done with work, I walked over to get my haircut and then realized that my car was parked inside of the loop instead of outside. And thus, I was trapped. So I gave up trying to leave and instead went to Sal's Pizza for a slice of roasted vegetable pizza (almost as good as Ian's...almost) and found a spot to stand to watch the race. I've never watched a bike race before but it was so awesome! They're flying past at about 30 miles an hour and they're biking mere inches away from you. It was terrifying and completely amazing. And it took place in the town where I live--it's still crazy that in this small town there's almost always something fun to do. I just have to leave my house and actually go.

Bernice:
So last night I got trapped at a bike race. This morning I locked myself out of my apartment. Woot! I'm on such a roll. I blame the library. See, we have these ugly bright orange "Get a Clue @ your library" t-shirts that we have to wear every Wednesday for our special events. I washed mine last night but didn't have the time to dry it before I went to bed. So I put it on a hanger in front of the window and hoped it would dry by morning. And of course it didn't. So this morning, I took a shower, threw on some clothes and went downstairs to put it in the dryer for a quick spin. And didn't bring my keys and locked my poor dumb little self out. Then, I FREAKED OUT. Had visions of being both late for work AND not having time to have any coffee (that's how you know you have a problem). So, I knew that our groundskeeper dude lived somewhere on the first floor and started knocking on doors, in that scary frantic way that would freak me out if I woke up to it. Thank god for Bernice. Not only does she not play shitty covers of Led Zeppelin at 2:30am, she was awake and not offended that I would be knocking frantically and freaking out like a little immature kid. She told me to call the landlady's daughter and let me use her phone--actually, she dialed the number for me, which made me feel like a 5 year old but not necessarily in a bad way. Luckily, the landlady's daughter lives in the building next door and she was up getting her kids ready for vacation bible school (sidenote: everyone in this town is constantly going to some form of VBS.) And I made it to work on time and even had time to stop for coffee. Yikes.

A is for...

I have two books that are always sitting on my bedside table: Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding and Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Let's talk about the later for a second. I would consider this book one of my favorite books because it is just so brilliant. The book is literally an encyclopedia of this woman's life--a woman who describes herself as ordinary (even though she's totally not). She writes about her life, her husband, her kids, her friends, but she also writes about ordinary life and she's pretty much always dead-on. Not in a Seinfeld, gimmicky, hahaahaha-kind of way but in a "wow, you're right, you're totally right" kind of way, like the small pleasure of putting a Q-tip in your ear, the fear of introducing your friends and having them like each other more than they like you, and how easy it is to not do something than it is to do something. In short, it is brilliant--you should all read it. I'm totally not doing it justice.

So, in honor of this lovely book and because my life has become pretty damn ordinary, I'm going to channel my inner Amy Krouse Rosenthal and write a series of alphabetical blogs. It's not really going to be very encyclopedia-esque, more like those "A is for Apple" kids books.

So, to start at the beginning (a very good place to start), A is for 'Arry and Art.

'Arry *said in a jaunty British accent i.e. Harry*
Julia requested an update and since all of you were so darn supportive, it's the least I could do. The Harry Potter Party was on Saturday afternoon and we had 17 participants. My coworker who helped me plan it in less than 8 days said that she was shooting for 20 but that 17 was more than good. And the people who did show up seemed very very pleased and I think everyone had a great time. I wish there would have been a few more people but all in all, I was proud of the party. We planned it at the last minute and all for under $30 but we had cool activities like wands out of pretzel rods, frosting and sprinkles, a sorting hat made out of a paper bag, Weasley is Our King crowns and Harry Potter pipe cleaner glasses.

And the book? I really liked it. I'm sad it's done but I think she did a great job ending it. And that's all I'm going to say.

Art
A is also for art. As of late, art has become pertinent. I'm trying to decorate my apartment--which has become a struggle to say the least. Finding reasonably priced artwork is very often impossible (although I will be attending the Mount Mary Starving Artists Show). It's even more impossible when you don't know what you like or where you would hang it or if it's worth the cost when sometimes you'd just like to hang up a framed picture of "Starry Night" just to get it over with (I'm only slightly kidding).

It's also been coming up in conversation... Over the weekend, while having dinner at my cousin's house, I was asked (by said cousin): "Katie, do you like art?" *Duhn Duhn DUhhhhhhnnn* I hate questions like this. They're so loaded. Really, this question is a prime example of the second sentence question... like they should be saying "I hate art. Katie do you like art?" or "I love art. Katie, do you like art?" I don't think anyone asks those questions if they don't have an opinion already. My cousin would be on the side of "I hate art or more specifically art and art museums and galleries are a waste of time." And I knew this. I answered with a babbled response talking about how I didn't really understand it but that I liked going to museums but that I rarely actually went. That's the truth, technically speaking. I know nothing about art but I really like museums and galleries too but never seem to actually go to them....

...until recently! This Friday, I'm going to Gallery Night with my friend and old roommate Mel (Hi Mel!) and her friends. I'm quite excited about it but I'm also not-so-secretly hoping that no one asks me what I think. Eek.

Dislikes. No Likes.

Originally, this post was going to be Likes and Dislikes: The Library Edition. But, I couldn't come up with any likes. Yes, it's been a long day. And it's 11:15am.

Dislikes:

-The Three J's (Jacob, Jack and James) who all come to 10am storytime and make my life MISERABLE. James can't not throw a tantrum. Jacob and Jack can't stand each other and whenever they're together, they push each other and scream a lot.... during storytime.

-Jacob and Jack's mothers who still plan playdates together despite the fact that their kids hate one another.

-Play Dates. In general. Baah.

-Jerk Business Man Dad hanging out with his kids and doing business deals on his cell phone in the middle of the children's department.

-Jerk Business Man Dad rolling his eyes at you when you tell him that cell phone calls are only allowed in the lobby

-Also, Jerk Business Man Dad thinking he can pull off wearing madras pants and a striped polo.

-Sharing the storytime space (i.e. the back room in the library) with the adult sci-fi, large type and western books, as well as the YA titles AND the Friends Book Sale. Claustrophobia is setting in.

-CDs for Kids. At every storytime, the kids get percussion instruments and make an unholy amount of noise along with a song relating to the storytime theme. Trying to find songs that relate to themes and aren't the lamest and most annoying things EVER CREATED is nearly impossible. All of the CDs I've come across are horrid, particularly the Toddlers Sing albums. I thought it would be a CD with Sing-a-long songs for toddlers. Nope, it's literally toddlers singing. I'd rather bash my head into the wall. I know there are exceptions to the rule--School Library Journal has a whole long article about the 12 Kids' Albums You Can't Live Without, including one containing a song called "For Those About to Walk (We Salute You). *pretty awesome* But, today, I choose to ignore these facts and focus on the negative. Bah humbug.

You Gotta Fight! For Your Right! To Potter!***

When I found out that the last Harry Potter book was coming out in the summer of 2007 (i.e. the year I would in theory have a real job as a children's librarian), I was so so so excited. I'm a huge Harry fan and I loved the idea of having the excitement of the new book in the library, promoting the book, reading for myself and discussing it with my patrons and most importantly, throwing a big huge party to celebrate the event. And when I found out that I had a job, I was even more excited! My dreams would become a reality!

Then, I arrived at my new job and realized that my dreams would probably not become a reality. There were four large problems: 1) lack of money 2) lack of time to plan 3) lack of people 4) lack of support (the director places more importance on someone sitting at the desk, answering questions). So I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't get my long anticipated Harry Potter party. I did some inner pouting and debating back in forth between "Eh, it doesn't really matter. Besides, there's no time" and "But it's the last one! Ever! This is your last chance!" But I kept my mouth shut.

Then, we put up a promotional display with a Harry Potter countdown, with a little tear off calendar proclaiming how many days until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It was making me a little crazy but I just ignored it. Then people started seeing the sign and asking if were doing anything. And then I had to say, "No, we're not planning anything. There's a midnight event at the bookstore downtown though!" And it was breaking my heart to say it.

So, on Wednesday (a mere 10 days before the release), I told my coworker (who works part time in the kids department and helps with the storytime load) that I thought we needed a Harry Potter Party. Well, actually, I think I said, "People keep asking if we're having a party for the release of Harry Potter and I think we should. I really want to have a party. I promise it won't be too much work. Would you mind helping?" She seemed okay with me dumping a massive amount of work on her and we brought it to the director. I pleaded, told her it would be very low key and very very very cheap.

She said yes and the wheels started in motion! My coworker and I had a Harry Potter party meeting yesterday. We planned some fun activities, tested out the crafts (such as Harry glasses using pipe cleaners, making Dumbledore puppets with lunch bags and making Weasley is Our King crowns), made a shopping list for the food items (Butterbeer i.e. cream soda and magic wands i.e. pretzel rods with frosting and jimmies) and I even wrote a press release to send to the newspaper.

I hope it's not a huge flop. I'm praying it's not a huge flop. This is the first time I've stuck my neck out at this job and I'm just hoping it's not too last minute for a good crowd to show up and prove my instincts right.

***And yes, I'm very proud of this title.

Out of the Mouths of Babes: 10:30am

"I don't want to read that! There's a girl on the cover! Girls are yuuuuucky!"
-7 year old boy

"*ear piercing scream*"
-3 year old boy

"Last night I was watching Harry Potter and he turned into a FISH!"
-8 year old boy

"Sometimes police officers kill themselves because they want to die and go to heaven."
-A very strange 11 year old girl

"I want to go to storytiiiime"
"But honey, your storytime isn't until Thursday!"
"But I waaaaaannnnnaaaaa *sob sob*"
-four year old boy and his mom (and yes, he was talking about my storytime... i feel a "booya!" is in order.)

Items of Note

So, once again, it's been a while but it's not because I'm not thinking of you. I have nine (9!!!) posts saved on my blogger account which I didn't post because they were all boring/whiny/dooce-worthy. So, I've looked at all of the posts and found some reasonably interesting items to post about.

*The last time I saw my next door neighbor, he was wearing hunting camouflage and carrying a riffle holder. I saw him on 4th of July with his girlfriend. He was wearing camo and they were BOTH carrying hunting bows. Obviously they are a match made in heaven... I expect that when I next see them they will be pushing a cannon.

*This is completely random but I had a Giada De Laurentiis moment today. I was sitting at my desk, cutting out paper ice cream scoops for my storytime and eavesdropping on a little boy playing with the train set. He picked up one of the wooden barges and yelled out "Look Mom! It's a gondola!" I snickered but kept it together, continuing to cut out my ice cream. I realized though that I was continuing to smile while cutting. How does this relate to Giada? Well, my least favorite part of Everyday Italian is when she is cutting/chopping/cooking/plating while smiling her big scary smile. It just feels really fake and pretty darn creepy. So, I stopped smiling and put a more stern librarian face on while cutting. Because I'm sure that's not creepy either.

*Speaking of stern librarians, I made a little boy cry on Tuesday. An 8-year-old boy. (I'm used to making wee little babies cry... I have a gift it seems) We didn't have a book he wanted (some spiderman book) and he burst into tears. We are talking inconsolable weeping. Luckily, we have about a thousand Spiderman books so I found other options for him. However, I think this is a very good example of the power of books... or perhaps there is something wrong with him.

*Last night I pulled into my parking lot after coming home from a movie (Waitress, which was quite good but a little too easily wrapped up) and I was getting rid of some "I eat my breakfast on the way to work" trash in my car. I walked over to the apartment complex garbage bin and there was a guy doing the exact same thing. At first (in all my agoraphobic glory) I thought "Oh god, there's someone. Eek, I might have to talk to him. Maybe I should turn around." But, I was already on my way so I kept walking. He threw his stuff in and then held open the dumpster for me. I said thanks and he asked if I lived at our apartment complex and if I knew how the recycling worked. I said I did and explained the whole "paper in one bin, everything else in the other." He said "Thanks" and I said "You're Welcome" and I WALKED AWAY. Didn't try to engage this very nice person in conversation... just walked away and then thought "Oh my god, that was rude and silly of you!" Here's what I've realized: before seeing this guy, I have not had a conversation with someone who didn't have to talk to me since I moved to Cedarburg. I've only talked to people who were patrons, coworkers, baristas/waiters/salespeople/fitness trainers. It's wacky! And depressing! And yet, when a person does try to talk to me, what do I do? I WALK AWAY! (My strange little brain just cued up the chorus of Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away")