It's Too Early in the Morning for God's Plan

A grandmotherly type came in this morning searching for Barney CDs. She was one of those people who use your name a lot in order to seem more personable i.e. "Hi *looks down at name tag* Katie, I'm going to need your help." or "Thanks, Katie, these are going to be great." or "Katie, I think we need a few more." or "Katie, tell me how this is going to work. They're going to send them to me?"

This was slightly annoying but it was fine until she busted out this statement: "Oh you'll be learning these Barney songs real soon I'm sure, Katie!" I sort of laughed and she fired back with "Oh you will! You'll see! In a few years, you'll have your own Barney watchers Katie!" And I laughed again and said "Maybe!" And then it got worse. She put her arm on my shoulder and said very forcefully, "Katie, you'll see. You don't know God's plan. You've just got to trust in him sweetheart."

Bleeeech.

This brings up a very interesting question that Marty posed in the comments a few entries back: "So, is this whole children's librarian thing making you totally NOT want to have kids, or making you kind of want to have them? I have no idea where you stood on this issue before, just wonder if the job is pushing you in either direction."

It's a very good question. In theory, I'm okay with being childless. I'd be more than happy being a godmother or an Auntie Katie. I love kids but I'm just not sure that actually having children is the right decision for me. And I'm not entirely sure I feel comfortable bringing a child into this crazy world of ours. Who knows what the state of the earth is going to be in 80 years? But, then again, maybe all this will change if I meet someone, fall in love and get married. Maybe then I'll get the motherly impulses. My job hasn't really changed my thoughts on any of this. It's actually kept me pretty balanced. There are definitely kids that make me want to have a few of my own. And there are parents that make me want to be just like them. But then 15 minutes later, a terror of a child comes in and these crazy parents are acting like idiots and I'm faced with the reality that having a child is a crap shoot. You never know what you're going to come out with--one of those kids that everyone loves or terror on two legs. And who knows what I'd be like as a parent. I don't think anyone sets out to be a bad parent--it just kind of happens. And I'd rather not it happen to me :)