Happy Trails....

Well, I am officially a librarian! *throws imaginary mortarboard up in air* Yay me!

Of course, that also means that I officially start my grown up librarian job tomorrow. And that means that I am freaking out. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I don't want to leave Madison. I don't want to leave my friends. I certainly don't want the responsibility of running a children's department. Who the hell thought I was qualified to do that!? Jesus!

Now, I could post a long diatribe filled with freaking out, weepiness and cliched sentiment. I've actually got about three posts saved on my account all about that but I'm not going to post that. Those posts are under the "Letters you write but never send because you don't want to look crazy" file. So instead, I'm going to write about my favorite method of coping: mixes. I am the queen of mixes and now that I have an iPod I can make mixes for every occasion. For example, I have a "Not corny, classic" mix with all of my favorite swinging hits from the 1960s, a mix titled "Naparu" with all of my favorite sleeping hits like "Julia" by The Beatles and a "Get Down" mix with classics like "Genius of Love" by the Tom Tom Club. There's also the therapeutic mixes like "So Long *Five Months Later Boy* including "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson (seriously, what did scorned women do before Kelly?) and "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair" by Ella Fitzgerald. So when the freaking out started, I of course made a mix titled "So Long Farewell" (a little shout out to my girl Julie Andrews):

1) "Bye, Bye Baby (Baby Goodbye) by The Four Seasons. Sure, Frankie and the boys are saying goodbye to a girl but it works for a town too, right?

2) "Fairest of the Seasons" by Nico. I love this song, and the line "I'd be leaving in the fairest of the seasons" seems particularly pertinent since I am of course moving away from Madison during the best time to live here.

3) "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by Peter, Paul and Mary. Oh John Denver, you tug at my heart strings. And Mary? You are so perfectly mournful I want to have your babies.

4) "Mother of God" by Patty Griffin. All for one line: "So I'm wearing my footsteps into this floor. One day I won't live here anymore and someone will wonder who lived here before and went on their way."

5) "Leaving Las Vegas" by Sheryl Crow. Before the duets wtih Kid Rock and the hair dye commercials, Sheryl Crow was putting out decent albums. This one is a gimme.

6) "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon and Garfunkel. If I could, I would put this song on every mix that I make (wait, I do.) There's a travel theme so it was included on this one.

7) "Sloop John B" by The Beach Boys. This one talks about home. Of course, I have no clue where home actually is anymore. Well, wherever it is, "I feel so broke up, I want to go home."

8) "The Long and Winding Road" by The Beatles. Oh Paul, you're lovely. Overly sentimental and lovely.

9) "Home Life" by John Mayer. "Think I'm gonna stay home. Have myself a home life." Despite the fact that I am terrified about this grown up thing, I'm hoping that I can stay put for a while.

10) "I Must Belong Somewhere" by Bright Eyes. Generally I have no idea what Conor Oberst is talking about and I don't know if this song even relates but he says "leave" and "leaving" a lot. Meh.

11) "In My Room" by The Beach Boys. It worries me how much I relate to Brian Wilson. Sometimes I'd like to just hide out in my room too.

12) "Useless Desires" by Patty Griffin. My old roommate Krysta and I love this song. She thinks it's about suicide whereas I just think it's about a woman leaving a town or place that never really treated her that well. Either way, it is so depressing and hopeful all at the same time that I can't help but love it. Patty Griffin is a genius.

13) "Katie's Been Gone" by Bob Dylan and The Band. How could I not put this song on the mix?

14) "Moon River" by Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn's voice is so perfect for this song. I know a lot of people gave her crap for her lack of singing talent but I think it's lovely. "Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see." Sure, I'm only one drifter but I think it works.

15) "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones. This is another song that I will try to put on every mix I make. I love the sad beginning with the french horn and the crazy, happy, jubilant ending. A fine way to end a mix.

I've basically been listening to it non-stop and I'll be blasting it while packing up the last of my stuff so I can leave for Cedarburg tonight. I won't have internet at my apartment but I'll try my best to keep you all updated on my new chapter in my "adventures in library land" (was that too cheesy? eh. whatever.)

Fairest of the seasons indeed.

Moving On Up To The East Side... Of Wisconsin.

Instead of writing a long rambling entry about moving, here are five moving related things of note:

1) UHaul sucks ass. Two weeks ago, I reserved a 6x12 trailer for Saturday and I called again on Friday to confirm the reservation and check on the time. When my dad and I went to pick it up, it was gone and there was no explanation why. So they told us there was one in Cottage Grove but oh wait that place closed at 11am. So, they gave us a 5x8 trailer and a free set of moving blankets for our trouble (oh wooh a set of moving blankets!) Luckily, the lovely and talented Caroline is a UHaul packing genius; she piled and stacked and everything fit!

2) My parents rock. I know I say it all the time but my parents slathered on IcyHot, wrapped themselves in ace bandages and hauled my stuff once again. As my dad reminded me, "we've moved you 14 times over the past seven years" and the fact that they continue to put up with my nomadic tendencies just proves how great they are. And my mom even postponed her mother's day treatment to help haul all of my boxes of books up and down the stairs. Mom and Dad, I promise that next time, I will hire movers.

3) I love my new apartment! It is shocking at how big it is and how nice it is. What's even more shocking is the amount of stuff I don't have. In my past apartments, I've always looked like a packrat--there were piles clothes that were sitting in laundry baskets because there was no where else to put it. I had books spilling out of my book shelves and the two bookshelves were crowding my little room. But now that I have this huge apartment instead of a little room and half of a little living room, I look positively minimalistic!

4) I met two of my new neighbors. Bernice, a nice little old lady, who I don't think will be playing Jimi Hendrix songs on her electric guitar at 2:30 in the morning. And Nate, my next door neighbor who's about my age and walked up the stairs dressed completely in camouflage (hat, shirt, pants and jacket!), carrying a rifle holder. Toto, I don't think we're in Madison anymore.

5) I'm turning into my mother. My mother gets stuck on ideas, especially when it comes to my life and the things I have in my apartment. For the last five years, she has been preaching the gospel of when I get some money saved, I should "invest in a nice bedroom set." After seeing the massive amount of shoes I own (and yet I only wear two pairs of flip flops and my black ballet flats) and the hugeness of my closets (yes, that's plural :)), she's decided I need to buy Tupperware containers for each pair of shoes that I own. Before, I laughed at her and rolled my eyes. However, I've found my own obsession: I want and need an rolling island for my kitchen. Must. Have. It. I don't have drapes for my bedroom or my living room and I have one lamp for the entire apartment which is lacking serious overhead lighting. And yet, the first thing I'm going to buy with my tax return is an island for my kitchen.... because I am no longer living in the land of galley kitchens! I have space! Specifically a cute little corner where it can hang out and look adorable and then perhaps I'll actually cook meals! *catches breath* See, I'm crazed! Who knows, maybe my next purchase will be a nice bedroom set.

So, yes, I made it. Thanks for all of your well-wishes. I promise I'll post pictures when everything gets settled.

Bridge to a Mental Breakdown

I've been feeling a little bit emotional lately. First, most of it is the sheer terror of my impending grownup hood and the fact that I'm leaving my socialable supported life in Madison behind in favor of a two bedroom apartment in a strange new land with no one to watch the Bachelor with me. Secondly, I'm also horribly short on sleep and when I don't sleep enough, that's when you can expect me to break out in a sob or two at any given moment. And, finally, I'm the kind of person who needs to have a good weep every now and again to remain stable. I haven't had a weep in a while because I'm trying reallyhard *insert jaw clenching here* to keep it all together until at least next week. So I'm kind of a mess...

This creates issues because I still have to function and that's just not happening. For instance, I need to be writing a paper about intellectual freedom for my young adult literature course. I need to read a book that's been banned, come up with a fake scenario in which I was working at a library and said book was challenged, write a speech that I would present to the committee making the decision about the challenge, create an annotated bibliography of the sources I used to support the book and also a list of resources I could turn to in case I do have a book challenged at my library some day. This is due tomorrow (and yet, here I am type type typing away on my blog!) and I think my emotional state of mind is really fucking with my ability to function academically.

Here's the problem: the book that I'm defending is Bridge to Terabithia. Now, I loved this book, absolutely loved it. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't read it but I will say this, if you are feeling kind of overly emotional (as I am) this is not the book to read. I was reading in the SLIS library, blinking back tears, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to keep it together, fearing that if I actually let the tears tumble down my cheeks, they just wouldn't stop.

Here's the bigger problem: I'm now trying to defend this book that I loved and that made me really sad and yet happy and hopeful etc etc etc. This means I'm dwelling a lot on this book. I'm reading reviews of it, articles about it, reading passages from it and now I'm writing a heartfelt, passionate, inspiring speech pleading rationally and well supportedly (god the grammar) to keep this book on the shelves. And I'm tearing up every five seconds, particularly when I start to think about if this book would happen to be challenged in my library and if I had to stand up in front of the community that pays my bills and defend this perfect, lovely book. That's when the tears really start to well. Hell, I'm even getting emotional writing this stupid entry.

Honestly, I'm tempted to watch Dead Poets Society or another depressing movie that I would have in my movie collection and have a good cry and get it out of my system. Shit, never mind. All of my movies are already packed. Sigh.

Mother and Daughter

Mom: So all of these books are going to Cedarburg?
Katie: Yup.
Mom: Really? All of them?
Katie: Of course... why?
Mom: Well, do you really need to bring all of them?
Katie: Well of course I do. Why wouldn't I?
Mom: Well, what are you going to do with them?
Katie: Um... put them on a shelf? Look at them? Read them sometimes? Love them forever and never get rid of them?
Mom: But do you really need them? I mean all of these? I just don't get it.
Katie: Mom. I hoard books. This is what I've always done. And now I'm a librarian so I'm basically a professional book hoard-er. I need the books. Gotta have 'em. Gotta bring 'em. Got it?
Mom: Well, fine, then you get to carry them.

"Have fun hauling this one up those stairs!"

Just a sampling of bookiness.

Kind of depressing, right? No? Just me?