Saturday, August 04, 2007

D is for...

Don Majkowski

*sidenote: I know I'm not being very consistent with my proper nouns. Technically, if I was following my own rules (i.e. Branch, Will), this blog post would be under Majkowski, Don. But, it's my party and I'll be inconsistent if I want to.*

Against my better judgment, I ventured out to one of the local bars last night with my pals Mel and Melissa who wanted to experience the local nightlife. And last night, I was hit on for the first time in my little town by a 30 year old guy originally from Boston, complete with a wicked thick Boston accent. Our suitor explained that he had recently relocated and that he was well-read and quite a catch (if you say you're a catch, you're usually not). He then started drilling me with questions (some examples: "where's your boyfriend?" "You're wearing a lot of yellow. Are you wearing underwear? And if so, is it yellow?"). Then, after explaining why he was such a catch and peppering me with questions, he finally asked me if I would like to ask him a question. This was my first mistake. I should have said NO. But, I'm an idiot. And then I proceeded to have one of the most frustrating conversations I've had in a while:

Me: You're wearing a Brewers hat but you're from Boston. Do you like the Red Sox?
Dude: See, I love the Red Sox but I grew up watching Wisconsin sports so I'm more of a Brewers guy. Do you like sports?
Me: Yes.
Dude: What's your favorite?
Me: Football.
Dude: I used to watch the Packers all the time when I was growing up! I'm such a fan! When I was younger, and I'm a lot older than you, I used to LOOOOOVE their quarterback. The one they had before Favre.
Me: Don Majkowski.
Dude: No, that wasn't it.
Me: Yeah it was. Majkowski. Majik Man.
Dude: I don't think so. Man, why can't I remember his name?
Me: Majkowski. Number 7. Don Majkowski.
Dude: Was it? I don't know.
Me: Blonde mullet. I had a t-shirt. I wore it to my first Packer game. It's probably still sitting in my mom and dad's basement.
Dude: I still don't think that's it. Whatever. God, the Packers were so great in the 80s.
Me: Actually, they were pretty horrible.
Dude: I used to remember watching them play on that baseball diamond.
Me: County Stadium.
Dude: They don't do that much anymore.
Me: At all, actually. Because they knocked down County Stadium to build Miller Park.
Dude: That's where they played? Are you sure?
Me: Yup.
Dude: County Stadium was a great place to watch a baseball game. I've only been there once--back in 2002.
Me: Yeah, that's sort of impossible. *Miller Park opened in 2001*
Dude: It felt really historic you know? I will never forget that.

And so on and so forth. He eventually started talking about golf and explaining ball markers to me (I played golf in high school. I know about ball markers. I told him this. He still explained). Then he explained how he was well-read... it involved lots of John Grisham novels. Then he chastised me for not reading Grisham. It was frustrating on so many levels. I hate it when people don't listen to me. I know I was being a bit of a know-it-all just to spite him but wouldn't you? My mother continuously tells me that I'm single because men are intimidated by me. But, I just have a low tolerance for idiots who think too highly of themselves and I will punish them severely with the help of sarcasm, smarty-pants-ness, and evasiveness. I don't think that's intimidation--it's probably just bitchiness.


At 4:03 PM, Blogger Cheer said...

I hear ya girl! My mom says that I have a really long interview process- which is totally true because I've got to make sure that they are not a complete idiot first.

At 9:03 AM, Anonymous leah said...

I am so proud of you for kicking this douche bag's ASS at Wisconsin sports trivia!

At 12:58 PM, Blogger Librarian Girl said...

That is not bitchiness. He was unbearable. He asked you about your UNDERWEAR?

There are so many levels of wrong in this dude that I can't even stand to think of it.

You rock, though. As usual.

At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you had a newspaper column, Melissa would totally read it. I love being a part of your (not so ordinary) life. Hooray!


At 7:07 AM, Blogger Julia said...

You were wearing a lot of yellow?

I'm convinced it's worth waiting for a man who will appreciate the fact that you can stand up for yourself and for what you know is right. He was being the bitch for not listening to you!

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Kelly said...

When he asked if you wanted to ask a question, you should have said "Yes, I was wondering if you were born a jerk, or if it's something you had to work at?"

Okay, I probably wouldn't have had the nerve to say that myself. But I'd have thought it...REAL LOUD. I mean seriously, "Are you wearing underwear?" I wouldn't even have been willing to humor the creepy jerk after that.

At 7:19 AM, Anonymous marty said...

Oh Jesus. Even I know the Packers sucked in the 80s.

I'm impressed you put up with this dude for so long. Not because I think you should talk to idiots like this, but because one of the only good things about dating besides eventually finding someone is the stories you get about idiots like this. :)

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!



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