D is for...

Don Majkowski

*sidenote: I know I'm not being very consistent with my proper nouns. Technically, if I was following my own rules (i.e. Branch, Will), this blog post would be under Majkowski, Don. But, it's my party and I'll be inconsistent if I want to.*

Against my better judgment, I ventured out to one of the local bars last night with my pals Mel and Melissa who wanted to experience the local nightlife. And last night, I was hit on for the first time in my little town by a 30 year old guy originally from Boston, complete with a wicked thick Boston accent. Our suitor explained that he had recently relocated and that he was well-read and quite a catch (if you say you're a catch, you're usually not). He then started drilling me with questions (some examples: "where's your boyfriend?" "You're wearing a lot of yellow. Are you wearing underwear? And if so, is it yellow?"). Then, after explaining why he was such a catch and peppering me with questions, he finally asked me if I would like to ask him a question. This was my first mistake. I should have said NO. But, I'm an idiot. And then I proceeded to have one of the most frustrating conversations I've had in a while:

Me: You're wearing a Brewers hat but you're from Boston. Do you like the Red Sox?
Dude: See, I love the Red Sox but I grew up watching Wisconsin sports so I'm more of a Brewers guy. Do you like sports?
Me: Yes.
Dude: What's your favorite?
Me: Football.
Dude: I used to watch the Packers all the time when I was growing up! I'm such a fan! When I was younger, and I'm a lot older than you, I used to LOOOOOVE their quarterback. The one they had before Favre.
Me: Don Majkowski.
Dude: No, that wasn't it.
Me: Yeah it was. Majkowski. Majik Man.
Dude: I don't think so. Man, why can't I remember his name?
Me: Majkowski. Number 7. Don Majkowski.
Dude: Was it? I don't know.
Me: Blonde mullet. I had a t-shirt. I wore it to my first Packer game. It's probably still sitting in my mom and dad's basement.
Dude: I still don't think that's it. Whatever. God, the Packers were so great in the 80s.
Me: Actually, they were pretty horrible.
Dude: I used to remember watching them play on that baseball diamond.
Me: County Stadium.
Dude: They don't do that much anymore.
Me: At all, actually. Because they knocked down County Stadium to build Miller Park.
Dude: That's where they played? Are you sure?
Me: Yup.
Dude: County Stadium was a great place to watch a baseball game. I've only been there once--back in 2002.
Me: Yeah, that's sort of impossible. *Miller Park opened in 2001*
Dude: It felt really historic you know? I will never forget that.

And so on and so forth. He eventually started talking about golf and explaining ball markers to me (I played golf in high school. I know about ball markers. I told him this. He still explained). Then he explained how he was well-read... it involved lots of John Grisham novels. Then he chastised me for not reading Grisham. It was frustrating on so many levels. I hate it when people don't listen to me. I know I was being a bit of a know-it-all just to spite him but wouldn't you? My mother continuously tells me that I'm single because men are intimidated by me. But, I just have a low tolerance for idiots who think too highly of themselves and I will punish them severely with the help of sarcasm, smarty-pants-ness, and evasiveness. I don't think that's intimidation--it's probably just bitchiness.